Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
