That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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