oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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