so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
