I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
