there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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