i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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