Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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