I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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