Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think we might need a safe word for this...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
