She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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