he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Damn victory sex feels great
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
