i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
