I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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