OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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