Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
