Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
