why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
