ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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