life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
