Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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