Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
smell my finger.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize