I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
