And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He better not be in your backpack
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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