I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
