I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
