I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
