I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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