1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
