And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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