your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
