thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
