I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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