So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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