I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize