When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
