it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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