mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
