So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
