Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
