Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
