I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
