i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
