is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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