no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
