We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
