this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
