I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
