I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
soo... how was my night?
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