Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
