Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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