So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
