and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
