What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
