Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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