Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
