So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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