Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
