Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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