Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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