sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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