On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
