just come out here and I will go home with you...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
