I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
