If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
