It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
