Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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