we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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