Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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