FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
