there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize