I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize