Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
