I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
