I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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