I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
