I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My first STD was from a foam party
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
