Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When are your genitals available?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
