If i could tip my vagina, i would.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
