Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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