Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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