she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
