Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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