I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
