Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
