There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
