tell your sister to shave her snatch
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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