Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize