I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
