dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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