yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
