I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
