Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize