and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
