I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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