she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize