Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
