I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
