Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
