Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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