I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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