If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
