I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
