upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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