He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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