Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
