Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
