On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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