Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
