dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
