Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize