i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
