One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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