Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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