I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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