Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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