he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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